Welcome back to Ascent’s newsletter for the month of Av (also known as Menachem Av – the Month of Consolation). A highlight in Av is the 15th of the month – known as Tu B’Av. This date, when the moon is full, is a massive boost after the descent into sadness of the three weeks of mourning that ends with the 9th day of the month. The 9th of Av commemorates the destruction of both Temples and many other tragedies in Jewish history. The Talmud describes Tu B’Av as a day of great joy, when single women (dressed in white) and single men would go out into the fields to find their soul mate.
I want to share a personal story about my wedding (in 1979).
In the chassidic community, the day leading to one’s wedding is a very serious day. The custom is to fast and to prepare yourself for a lifetime of holiness. The Lubavitch custom is that the groom goes to the mikvah (ritual bath) three times, prays Mincha (the afternoon prayer) using the Rebbe’s siddur (prayer book) and spends most of the day saying Tehillim (Psalms). Like a mini Yom Kippur. I merited to receive the Rebbe’s siddur from his own hands.
I spent most of the day in the Rebbe’s shul (synagogue) at 770 Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn. Because everyone knew I was a groom, penitential prayers were not recited by the congregation. At one point, someone I did not know and never saw again pushed a small booklet in Hebrew into my hands. It was called Yom HaChupah (The Day of Your Wedding). My Hebrew was not strong at that time and I would not be able to read it all, so I decided to choose just one piece. I opened it randomly and read that the day of one’s wedding is like Yom Kippur for the bride and groom, who become like new creations as all their sins are forgiven. Because of this, anything that they ask for under the chupah (marriage canopy) will be granted to them. Every chupah is a very auspicious occasion for prayers. It is a time when the gates of Heaven are wide open.
No one had told me about this last teaching! I set to writing a list of what was important to me for my marriage and future and put it in the pocket of my wedding suit.
Chaya Bracha and I merited to be married under the window of the Rebbe’s office. I was helped to prepare for the ceremony – put on one of the Rebbe’s shirts, like a kittel under my jacket, shoelaces untied so that no “bumps” or distractions interfere with the spirituality of the occasion, and all pockets emptied – all POCKETS EMPTIED!!! The note…! No note! My mind went blank and I was having trouble remembering what I had written! Desperately I tried to put my thoughts together and actually became so agitated that people told me afterwards that they thought I was sick! I did the best I could, but after it all, I forgot one item.
Over the following years, it was clear to me that all the things I had prayed for under the chupah came to be, thank G-d, except for that one thing. About ten years after our marriage, as Ascent began to grow, I would share this story with our students before their marriage, reminding them not to forget anything. One blessed couple told me that, under their chupah, not only did they pray for themselves, but also that I should receive what I had forgotten when I was under my chupah. And so it was – that one last thing transpired in our lives, very much so.
I bless all of you who are waiting to find your bashert, your soulmate, that it should happen now, in the best way and that under your chupah you should remember everything. Keep it simple. And may all your wishes be fulfilled. If you are already married, use each chupah you attend as an opportunity to pray for yourselves and others. Pray for the redemption – our wedding with G-d. And don’t leave anything out!